My Boyfriend is Impotent

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Hi Lucia,

My boyfriend is impotent. That's okay with me as I'm not really into sex anyway. The thing is he always wants to spend the night, but I don't like sleeping with him. He snores, tosses, talks in his sleep and sometimes punches me in the back when he's dreaming. Why does he want to spend the night when there is no sex involved? 

Joan

Hi Joan,

Believe it or not, it’s not always about sex! At times, it’s just about companionship.  He wants to replace the intimacy that sex brings by sleeping together – literally! However, it’s not just about what he wants, it’s also about what you want. It’s supposed to be a two-way street.

Speaking for myself, sleep is very important to me, and I would never consider being with someone long-term if I couldn’t “sleep with them.” This is where you will need to compromise.  Let him know how his sleeping affects you (if you haven’t already), and see what can be done about it. I don’t know how often he sleeps over, but you may have to cut it down to something acceptable to you, like once or twice a week.

Lucia

Hi Lucia,

The advice you gave to Debby a few weeks ago about a man that would not commit was great. I recently found myself in a similar situation with my new female companion. The fact that I am a 37-year-old male and she is a 20-year-old female complicates things.

I have been married and divorced, so there is that baggage for her to deal with, though I never talk about my ex unless she asks. When we met, she was dating a lot of other guys. I treated her the best, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to make a commitment. I told her she didn't have to because there were a lot of other women out there who wanted to date me besides her.

It only took about a week for her to make up her mind, and now we are exclusive. I never thought about dating someone so much younger than me before reading your column. I was always chasing after cougars, but it would appear the roles have reversed, and now I see why so many women find it beneficial to having a younger mate. 

Jake

Hi Jake,

So glad to hear my advice has helped you find a happy, committed relationship. Age really is just a number after all!

Lucia