1. A guy who looks at his phone and texts a lot. Hot guys don’t remember to bring their phone, let alone stare into its eyes all night.

2. A guy who doesn’t have a job. OK, this one is not so random but any job is better than no job, people. Even if he works at a cafe, if he works hard, it’s a turn-on.

3. Guys who talk about gas or bowel movements. That’s three years into the relationship stuff, not a couple of dates. Shit is a turn-off, no matter how you dice it.

4. Guys who are always online. If you are, which we all are, just hide it by clicking to not show you are online on your Facebook, Gmail, whatever. It makes it seem like you are sitting hunched over on your chair looking at celebrities in their underwear rubbing your pee pee. Not attractive. We want to think you are out there wrestling dragons.

5. Long toenails, ewwww. You have enough strikes against you, clipping your toenails is an easy one to amend.

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