So you want to be a guido, but it’s not working out. You’ve got the poof, you’ve got the melanoma-dark tan and you’ve watched every episode of “Jersey Shore” at least 10 times. You’re doing everything right, but when you dress down to bear essentials and hit up the club, your fist pump is lacking and no one will dance with you.

Fret no more, would be guidos and guidettes, your go-to how-to handbook has arrived. Written by certified guidos Guido DiErio and Rick “The Happenstance” Marinara, Fist Pump is a 223-page book of pages so bright they might just glow in the dark. It’ll teach you how to master the ABC’s (abs, biceps and chest) of the guido look, how to avoid the “spank bank” in the guidotude section and teach you about the nightlife of the juiced and infamous.

Whether you take this as a funny joke between you and friends, or a book full of more life lessons than Chicken Soup for the Soul, this is a good book to have around.

Grade: B

Fist Pump is currently available.