Black Friday is upon us once again. I intentionally say Black Friday has come once again, not “Christmas time has come” because it seems Black Friday has become the day that we eagerly anticipate and await anxiously more so than the day that Jesus was born and wrapped in swaddling blankets.

I still don’t know what swaddling blankets are, but I do know if swaddling blankets were going to go on sale, Black Friday is the day they will be at the lowest prices of the season! The time is here, and people will come from every small town near Los Angeles and from every mansion, house, condo, apartment and subdivision to find the greatest deals for the smallest price.

The beauty is there is no subdivision in the waiting game on Black Friday. No matter what race, class, gender or sexual orientation you are, you have to play the same game: first-come, first-served waiting in line for the stores to open; through the aisles and at the checkout counter everybody’s equal.

That’s the beauty.

The horror is most people don’t have the time or patience to play the game fairly, and they will pull their hair or other patron’s hair out trying to get that deal that they have to have right now. It’s a scary sight to see, but it can be fun to watch unless you happen to be the one pulling hair or getting your hair pulled. No one wants a lump of coal or a clump of hair for Christmas.

Even though it’s gotten to the point where I’m sure among all the “out-of-this-world deals” the stores are giving there are probably great savings on lumps of coal and clumps of hair.

This insane-ness will be one of a few reasons I’ll be walking on Black Friday.

Here are a few more reasons:

1) There will be no parking. I’ll probably get down the streets and definitely through store parking lots faster than the cars that will be stuck bumper to bumper. GPS can’t help them now!

2) I’ll be walking with a protest sign that reads: Black Friday is Racist! Why does it have to be Black Friday and a White Christmas? Since everything has to be politically correct nowadays, and the drivers stuck in traffic will already be angry, I’ll take their minds of off shopping and give them something else to think about for a moment while I’m walking – excuse me – marching, by!

3) By walking to the stores I’ll get a great warm-up for the exercise and the exorcism needed to confront the shopping madness. The shoppers who have been waiting in line all night and day to get in the stores, as well as the people who have been sitting in their cars in traffic, will be all cramped up from lack of stretching while my heart rate and flexibility will be in shape and in tune for tuning out the less fit customers as they scream, “ Do they sell gym memberships here?”

4) I can finally get some wear out of my $35 sneakers that were originally $110 that I bought last year on Black Friday that I never wear. It was an impulse buy, just like the bubblegum I’ll be chewing during all of this because a year ago 400 packs of gum for $5 seemed like a good idea and another great deal I couldn’t pass up.

5) Finally, if I’m walking I won’t have room to load and carry a whole lot of shopping bags with a whole lot of items inside those shopping bags that I can’t afford. All I can afford this year is to bake foods, maybe buy some candles or incense, music and the old holiday standard: greeting cards.

“These gifts of taste, smell, hearing and touch are the most important gifts that we could have, and they are all priceless,” is what I’ll tell my friends and loved ones as I relieve their disappointment with my gifts for them by telling the story of how I walked everywhere on Black Friday.

It may not be the wisest thing to do, but I am not one of the Three Wise Men, although I may be carrying incense (I can afford that.). I will not be carrying any gold or myrrh (I don’t even know what myrrh is.).

I will, however, be able to walk away from those “out-of-this world deals” and those insane shoppers who are out of their heads, and I’ll be able to do it all traffic free with a full head of hair!