Hi Lucia,

The last time I contacted you I was so desperate in my relationship, and you gave me advice that was so helpful. I'm out of that relationship, and am so happy because I'm not needy anymore.

However, recently I’ve noticed that the guys I meet just seek one thing from me –sex. I meet good boys, bad boys and gentlemen, but they don't seem to want to have a long-term relationship with me. They seem to only notice my body. After a few dates they mention sex –some even hinting at it the minute they meet me.

I usually wear dresses that are tight so that the shape of my body shows itself. I don't wear short skirts or revealing tops, but whatever I wear shows my body's shape because I spend time in the gym and really care about my diet in order to have a beautiful body that can be noticed.

I’ve met some good guys through my friends, but for some reason I don't attract them. They seem like the quality type of guys that won't mention sex too soon.

Please tell me what to do! I think you're the best relationship expert from all the ones I have consulted. -Roya

Hi Roya,

Thank you for the wonderful compliments.  It’s nice to know that I was helpful.

I understand wanting to show off a body you’re working hard on, as I too am into diet and exercise. However, what you wear speaks to who you are and to the image you want to project. 

Guys are visually oriented, so if they see a woman who is not afraid to show off her curves with tight clothes, more often than not, their mind is going to go to sex. When they first see a woman, they immediately put her into one of three categories –bootycall, girlfriend or wife material. 

Also, guys tend to bring up sex sooner rather than later, so even if you were wearing a garbage bag, they would probably bring up sex within a few dates.

What’s your tone when you’re speaking to men? If you are flirting with strong sexual innuendos, they will think you are just looking for sex. On the other hand, you could be wearing a bikini, but if you come across as classy and confident, men will get the message that there is more to you than just a sexy body.

I asked to see some photos of you and I didn’t see anything too suggestive with the clothing you are wearing. However, I’d like you to try an experiment. Wear more “conservative” clothes for about a week and see what happens. Watch to see if men react differently than they have been. Perhaps, the men you wish would ask you out may now do so. Let me know what happens!

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.