Univision Radio personality María Marín continues to progress as one of the top Latin motivational speakers and columnists of the U.S. Even though she’s quite known for her expertise in the art of negotiation, Marín’s managed to become a professional in the aspect of helping women succeed romantically.
The native of Puerto Rico’s most recent work, Si Soy Tan Buena, ¿Por Qué Estoy Soltera?, depicts the seven mistakes that women make with regards to love and relationships. In the book, Marín touches the minds and hearts of women while persuading them to elevate their self-esteem.
During a phone interview, Marín talked of the inspiration to write the book, the reason why it’s a good tool for men to have, the pros about women being single, and advice for women who’ve experienced broken hearts, among other things.
Campus Circle: Discuss the inpiration that triggered you to write Si Soy Tan Buena, ¿Por Qué Estoy Soltera?
María Marín: What inspired me was all the complaints from women who follow me, who write me letters or listen to my radio show. My radio show is all about self-improvement even though my work is about helping women professionally and helping them overcome obstacles. I would say the majority of calls to the show were about women's complaints and frustrations about their love lives. My first couple of books addressed how to negotiate, how to face your fears. But when it came time to write the third book, I knew I had to write it about love. There were too many issues presented. I would hear things like ‘all the good men are gone. They're married and the ones left over are unfaithful. The only ones who pay attention to me are losers.’ So to that, I said, of course not. There are good men out there. The problem is that women make mistakes, and alienate men who would have been good matches.
CC: This book is targeted to women, but would you say it's a good tool for a man to pick up and read?
MM: Of course! If a man reads it, he'll be harder to get. Just like in business, with love, there's always a psychological game going on that we must all play. This book teaches women how men think. So once you know how men think, what they need and what they want, it will be easier to seduce them. But then if men read this book, they can say, if she's going to do this, then I can change the game. I have a lot of testimonials about couples who have read the book together and like I mention before, this book explores what it is that men need. In the book, I discuss the seven mistakes women make in relationships, and one of them is not knowing what the man needs. And I explore about the five basic needs men have. And if you can satisfy them, you will drive him crazy and he won't look at any other woman. This is why this book doesn't just benefit single women, but also married women because they can learn how to keep their men in love with them. Sure, sex is one of the five basic needs, but it's not the only one. One of the needs is that a man needs to feel admired. A man needs to know that to his woman, he's special and unique. He needs validation about how good a lover he is, how good a person he is and how good a father he is. If a man feels admired, he won't feel the need to cheat. A lot of attractive women have their men cheat on them and then they ask why, if she's ugly or fat. It's because they make the men feel validated and appreciated. So this is one of the basic needs of men.
CC: Why do you think women think that there are no more good men left?
MM: We all go through bad experiences in our love lives. It's part of love. The ideal fairy tale love story of meeting prince charming and living happily ever after happens one out of a million times. So most people have to go through bad experiences in love to find that ideal love. Unfortunately, most of the time, women meet men and have relationships with men who would love them, and would even marry them. But because of women's behavior, they alienated that man; they slept with them on the second date, etc. It's one of the topics I discuss in my book, how women often become too intimate with men, and then they lose interest. Other times, women overwhelm men. Maybe they were good catches, but women would be too jealous or too engaging, and they lose them.
CC: When you were writing this book, did you consider past personal experiences?
MM: The vast majority of my books are based on my personal experiences – some good and some bad. But regardless, they've helped me grow as a person and they've helped me reach where I am today. Based on my own experience, in chapter 2 of my book, I talk about the seven different types of men and one of those is the narcissist. They are men who are extremely selfish; it is a faulty personality trait, a psychological problem a person has. I was with one of these people and so I know what it's like, and I discuss that in my book.
CC: Is there anything wrong with a woman being single?
MM: Of course not. There's nothing wrong with being single. As a matter of fact, it's better to be single than to be with a loser or someone who abuses you or doesn't value you. I always tell women that when you're in a relationship where the man doesn't appreciate you or treats you badly, you are more alone than if you were without a partner. At least when you're alone, there is no one there to make you feel badly or hurt you. Also, when you're alone, you get to learn so much about yourself. So no, there's nothing wrong with being alone. I think that love comes at the time it should, and it will reach everyone. There will always be someone out there who is dying to meet you, who's wishing to share themselves with you, and who will love all your qualities. The key is to be patient and be prepared. One must keep one's eyes open and know how to act when the right time comes.
CC: What advice do you have for women who've suffered a broken heart more than once before? The book helps with this subject.
MM: Of course. In my book, I talk about the seven mistakes women make when it comes to love. Mistake seven is being afraid to open up your heart and I dedicate this chapter to all the women and men who've gone through a bad experience. The more your heart's attacked, the more afraid you'll be to give yourself to someone and be vulnerable and open up your feelings towards someone. But like in business, if you don't take risks with love, you won't win. Yes, it's true, your heart might get broken but you can also find that someone who will value you and love you. You might have found the one, but if you're not willing to open up your heart to that person, that love will never be profound enough. There is so much more you can win than what you can lose by taking a chance. Love is the most wonderful thing you can experience, and the only way to do that is by giving yourself to someone. As you get to know someone, if you don't see signs that this person is bad for you, or will be jealous, or will mistreat you, open up your heart to this person little by little. Most of the time, when someone suffers a broken heart, it's because they gave it all up from the very beginning.
CC: How excited are you to be coming to the city of Orange this Saturday, April 27 to present your book?
MM: I am very excited. As they say, California is my 'home town.' I've lived in Miami for the last two and a half years. But from the time I left Puerto Rico, I lived in California. I first lived in Orange County and then later I moved to Alhambra. I lived in California for more than 20 years. I have a lot of friends there, and family. I have to say, Puerto Rico and California are the two places I am most excited about sharing my new book with.
CC: Is there anything else you would like to add?
MM: I would have to say, the number one mistake women make when it comes to love – the mistake that propagates the rest – is a lack of self-love. You will never have a healthy relationship until you truly love yourself, give yourself value and truly feel comfortable in your own skin. I have a saying in my book which states, 'tell me your level of self-esteem, and I will tell you who will pursue you.' This means that the type of person who pursues you correlates to how good you feel about yourself. If I'm a woman who doesn't feel she has much to offer, I will only attract people who seek to take advantage of me and mistreat me. But if I'm a woman who says, I'm fabulous and have much to offer, men pursuing you will realize they have to value you and treat you well. The main message the book will leave you with is that you must raise your self-esteem. The most important thing is that by the time you're done reading this book, you will feel surer about yourself. You will believe in yourself more and you will love yourself more.
María Marín will be presenting and autographing her book, Si Soy Tan Buena, ¿Por Qué Estoy Soltera?, on Saturday, April 27 at Barnes & Noble at Orange Town & Country, 791 South Main St. Suite 100 in Orange at 2 p.m. For more information about María Marín, visit mariamarin.com.