After reading your article “Make Him Commit” ( Campus Circle issues 29 & 30), I would like to comment that using this ploy of causing a man to miss you in order to trap him does not ensure a long lasting relationship.
—Jonathon
Dear Jonathon,
We need to dispel this age-old myth of “trapping” a man. No man has to agree to get married if he doesn't want to, even if the girl is pregnant. Everyone has free will and slavery was abolished in 1862. As Mya would say on “Girlfriends,” “Ain't nobody gettin' trapped up in here.”
A guy that says he was trapped is not taking responsibility for his actions. There are always red flags that caution there is trouble up ahead, but people usually don't know what they are or are unwilling to end a relationship when they see them.
If you read my article again, you'll see that I cautioned against using my technique as a ploy. My main point was to let the chips fall where they may by leaving a relationship that one is not happy in.
Dear Lucia,
Lately me and my girlfriend of three years have been having problems. We can't talk about issues because she won't talk. She doesn't support me in my hobbies or choices anymore. She spends more time with her friends than me and takes my romance for granted.
I love her a lot and don't want to leave her despite the obvious reasons. I just want her to talk to me about herself and her problems. Her not being able to is hurting her and myself. How can I get her to talk to me about “us?”
—Jorge
Dear Jorge,
I know you think the “obvious reasons” you're having problems are because she won't talk and spends more time with her friends than with you, but those are only symptoms of a bigger issue, and that is that her interest level in you has dropped!
Radio host Doc Love believes that when a woman's interest is at 49 or below (on a scale of 0 to 100), you're out. I would need to speak with you in order to access where her interest might be, but things are not looking good.
You're incorrect about “Her not being able to [talk] is only hurting her and myself”. You are the only person it's hurting. It sounds like she's already mentally and emotionally moved on but is still physically in the picture.
I know this isn't the news you wanted to hear and you don't want to leave her, although it seems she's already left you . My suggestion is that you stop nagging her to talk to you. Just reading about how you keep trying to talk to her made me not want to talk to you, so I can imagine how she feels.
You can't make someone do something they don't want to do, but you can certainly inspire them to do it. This means that you should follow her lead – see your friends more, don't talk about the relationship and stop being romantic.
If she has a change of heart, she will begin to ask you the same questions you've been asking her and you can then address the issues that lead to this whole mess. If she doesn't, then let her go. There are plenty of other women out there – relationships are not supposed to be this hard.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
Watch Lucia's show, “The Art of Love,” on Time Warner East Valley (channel 25) on Monday, Sept. 25 at 8 p.m.
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.
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