Don't even bother to leave home if you so happen to get a request for the most prized gift this holiday season, the all-empowering Playstation 3. The 20 or 60 gig unit will be as elusive as the never-ending conundrum of the Christmas season: Why does Santa Claus' love warm milk with his cookies?
Alternate decisions to gift buying are to be made and while Christmas is always looked as being so traditional, why not go a tad bit alternative? First stop: the 2006 Alternative Holiday Book Bazaar.
Reading is fundamental; something Mr. Claus would approve of every year, but judging by this year's list of available titles, you can get a little naughty. Event organizers Rob Cohen and David Wollock (their book Etiquette For Outlaws will also be on sale) and several other local authors, which represent over 10 different publishing companies ranging from St. Martin to indie presses like Process will round up this year's bazaar.
And while getting to meet said author and having him or her sign the select book or books that you have purchased is a gift unto itself, the true holiday cheer will be the books – an endless parade of the hilarious, poignant and eccentric. Everyone on your now linguistic Christmas list will be covered!
That very emotional friend that you know, the one that enjoys Friday nights alone in their room amongst their Henry David Thoreau posters, they will truly enjoy the gift of poetry courtesy of Mike The Poet ( I Am Alive in Los Angeles ). On the opposite end of the spectrum, your gal pals or just the crude at heart will enjoy the sheer novelty of Christopher Behrens' Penis Pokey .
This is an illustrated board book of the highest design; in this case there is a large die-cut hole in the center. Each page is a full-color illustration, with something missing (i.e. a banana, a fire hose, maybe even a Christmas stocking). The book appears to be that perfect icebreaker for a Christmas party, possibly after a having a few cups of the spiked eggnog.
Still nothing says Christmas like having your very own Ebenezer Scrooge in your midst. Decked out all in black, you've probably heard from him the many countless reasons why this holiday is the most evil of holidays – be it the tacky reindeer sweaters, festive ornament lights or seeing his favorite music artist become a joke as they sing joyous carols to preening kids for some primetime television special.
Christmas is a time of giving though, and what could be better than giving your Scrooge a good shot in the arm with Tom Reynolds' I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard . The look of red circulating throughout his face once his eyes become fixated on the cover may change his ever-cold heart.
Chances are it may only fuel all the pent up aggression though. Quick alternative: go with Seth Grahame-Smith's The Big Book of Porn . It is Christmas after all.
Wax Poetic Gallery is located at 3208 W. Magnolia, in Burbank. Bazaar hours: 5 p.m.-9 p.m. Admission is free. For more information, visit www.altbookbazaar.com.