You have a show about picking up chicks in a bar, but as students start heading back to school, what’s your experience with college drinking?

Oh yeah, I got plenty of experience when it comes to college drinking, so I don’t actually remember much of my college days … so many blackouts I can’t even get melancholy. But you know, the important thing to focus on is, that when it comes to college drinking, college still comes first. I mean, yeah, it’s great to finally have the freedom to get totally wasted and make a slobbering ass of yourself without the fear of getting grounded. But, college is more than just parties and orgies and pools of vomit. College is about learning crap and prepping you for the unforeseeable future.

What’s the ultimate “do” when related to college drinking?

If you’re going to drink, have fun while you’re doing it. I’ve been to way too many parties ruined by some dude who can’t hold his liquor and feels the need to start a fight about nothing. Is there anything worse than an angry drunk? Life’s too short, and there are enough angry people out there without the booze. And if you see someone hammered at a party about to get behind the wheel … do the right thing; takes their keys and call a cab.

The ultimate “don’t?”

There are so many things that qualify for the ultimate don’t. Right? Like, don’t shave your private parts – no matter how badly you want to pledge. No, there are really three ultimate don’ts in my book. 1) Don’t drink and drive. 2) No matter how hard you are, or how “easy” she seems, no means no. 3) See numbers 1 & 2.

What is decorum in relation to frat house parties and alcohol?

I love frat parties almost as much as I like sorority parties. Sometimes more! Really, there are three ingredients that make what is, in my opinion, the kick-ass frat party. 1) Critical mass. I just can’t say enough about the importance of having a load of people at your party. 2) Killer music. OK, how many parties have you been to where some drunk with lousy freakin’ taste throws the iPod in the dock and hits play. That doesn’t help a party – it just makes noise. And noise just kills the energy. But when there’s a DJ or a badass band rockin the house … 3) Lotta booze. I think that this one speaks for itself.

There are hot girls on your show. What about alcohol in relation to opposite sex relations?

Here’s the thing about alcohol and sexual relations. Booze makes everything easier. But here’s the thing … those few drinks may get her to open up easier for you, but no amount of booze is gonna get her to come back for another serving once she’s sober. So read some books. Maybe do some volunteer work. Be an interesting person. Otherwise, you’ll wind up as some worthless player at the bar with a long list of one-night stands and a short list of anything worthwhile. How many times have you regretted who you woke up next to in the morning? But you know, what’s the point of regretting what happened the night before? Having regret is a waste of time. Which is why no matter whom I wake up with I’m just grateful that the old one-eyed pea shooter can still hit the target. Quack.

Check out “Duck walks into a Bar” at