I’m 17 years old and my daughter is almost 1. I am in a very deep relationship, and I am so in love. We are engaged and will be married next month.
Last year my boyfriend and I were both in high school, and he did some deceiving stuff. After he graduated he went to the Navy, and he swore to me that he changed. I believe him because the Navy does change people.
However, grown-ups around here are telling me I’m too young and that if he hurt me once, he’ll do it again. I love him very much and I don’t care what they say. What do you think?
You’re heading towards a brick wall. You’re only 17 and you already have a 1-year-old.
Now you want to marry another teenager who has been deceptive in the past and think it will all work out, just because he was in the Navy. It won’t.
I know you’re not going to listen to me, but you will wish you had listened when you are divorced by 22, if not sooner.
I am 26 years old, casually dating a 31-year-old man who stays with his child’s mother. We have been dealing with each other for 19 months and have not had sex since April of 2008. He wants to hook up and I do too, but I feel like I may get physically and emotionally attached to him once again without commitment.
I really acted irrational when we began causally dating in May of 2007, because I wanted him to myself. He was with his child’s mother, and I didn’t give us enough time to casually date before I began making demands for time.
I have always dreamed of being with him on a serious level, but I don’t think I can trust him. He wants to get back together sexually, but I am not sure if he wants more than that.
What are your thoughts on this situation?
Why would you want to be with someone whom you don’t think you can trust? If you’re not sure whether he wants more than sex, it means he probably doesn’t.
Until you know you can trust him and he wants more than a romp in the sheets, keep your legs closed.
I am 24 years old, and I am in love with a woman who is 42. The thing is, she’s my aunt.
We have a very close friendship, and I have fallen in love with her. I don’t think she knows that.
I am afraid to tell her how I feel. I can be myself when I am with her, and she is so grown up.
I see her every weekend. I make her a special dinner, and we watch a movie.
She phones me sometimes during the week and says things like, “I can’t wait for this weekend” or “Are you coming this weekend? I miss you.”
I really want to take this relationship further. I have my own place, but I can just as well move in with her.
Must I stop seeing her? Is this all wrong because she’s my aunt?
I can certainly understand the allure of a beautiful, older woman, especially one who you can be yourself with. However, you obviously know this is totally wrong, or you wouldn’t have written to me.
You may think you’re in love with her, but it’s infatuation. I can understand how you could become infatuated with her, but she should know better.
Of course she knows you’re interested! I’m sure she finds it flattering to have a young man so taken with her, but she is using bad judgment.
Do not move forward with this situation. You cannot move in with her, and you cannot have sex with her. I know it’s going to be difficult, but nothing good can come of this situation. If the family found out, they would be very disappointed and upset.
If you prefer older women, then please find another one. This one is off limits!
Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net.
Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
: Q & A