Dear Lucia,

I dated a guy for six months. We were friends before, and there was always a mutual attraction.

When we were together, we spent almost every single weekend together. Two to three times during the week, we’d call each other and have half-hour to hour conversations.

Overall it was really fun, and we enjoyed each other’s company. He was the first guy where I could be myself, and we had the same sense of humor.

Over time, I found myself falling for him. I thought feelings were mutual and eventually brought up “the talk.” I was hurt to find out that he didn't consider me his girlfriend (He’s never had a serious girl friend in his whole life and said that I was the most serious thing that has ever happened to him.).

He said he didn’t know what to do in relationships and that he was scared. What made it worse is that he didn’t express his emotions at all.

Additionally, when New Year’s Eve came around, he didn’t invite me to go to the party that he got invited to. I was hurt that after dating for so long, I never crossed his mind.

I was on the fence at the end of six months. I still wanted things to work out, and I asked him if he wanted to hang out for the upcoming weekend.

I didn’t get a reply back until one day later. He said he forgot to let me know he had plans for the weekend.

I eventually broke it off with him when he came over a few days later. When we broke up he admitted that he had a lot of growing up to do and eventually asked if we could be friends. I said no since I had to reverse all of the intense feelings that I developed over the six months.

I was sad and cried in front of him. I told him that I didn’t want to let him go but had to and that I was going to miss him so much.

What makes me confused is that he ended up crying really hard too. He was really sad, had nothing to say and just left in tears.

I’m confused because during the whole time we were together he never expressed his feelings to me. Certain times when he would occasionally drink, he’d show a little more emotion.

He’d do lots of things for me like fix things around my house for me, bring me food, etc., but he never expressed how much he liked me. He didn’t even like it when I called him “babe,” or “hun.” He said it was weird.

Is he the type of guy to come back? We didn’t end on bad terms at all, just sad terms.

I knew I had to stand up for myself and not continue to date a guy that didn’t have feelings for me. Now I am confused since he cried – he really did care for me.

That’s why I want to try and make things work again. Or should I not waste my time? 


Dear Confused,

You say you want to try and make things work again, but you’ve already done enough, which is the main reason you are in this situation.

How can I make women understand that less is more when it comes to dating? They try too hard, give too much too soon, try to push things along by having the talk and then wonder why the guy doesn’t want to commit.

Why were you seeing this guy every weekend and having long conversations on the phone every week when you were not his girlfriend? If you thought this was going to bring you closer, you can obviously see you were wrong.

You handed yourself over on a silver platter. Guys do NOT appreciate what they do not have to work for.

Just because he cried, doesn’t mean he wants to be your boyfriend. He could simply enjoy your company, but because he didn’t have to work for you, he doesn’t feel any passion. He’s probably just as confused as you.

Leave him alone. He will eventually contact you. At that point, don’t be too quick to see him again. Let him take the lead.

In the meantime, you need to listen to my show on Positive Partial Reinforcement at

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