Hi Lucia,

I’ve known this guy for three years. We were casually dating but he soon blew hot and cold for no reason. We had a fight six months ago and I cut all contact with him, and weeks after that I discovered on Facebook that he’s in a relationship.

A few days ago he texted me out of the blue to see how I was, and I replied to him in a casual and friendly manner. How should I respond if he texts me again? I really want him but don’t want to be taken for granted.

—Lucy

 Hi Lucy,

People usually reach out to an ex either when they miss them and are thinking of them, or when things are not going well in their current relationship. The fact that he reached out to you is a good sign, but in and of itself it doesn’t mean anything. If you want to make sure you aren’t taken for granted, then let him take the lead in terms of contacting you, asking you out, etc. Do not contact him and see what happens.

Hi Lucia,

I want to marry my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to commit and he is ignoring me a lot. What should I do?

—Geri

Hi Geri,

A marriage is about two people who want to be together. If he’s ignoring you and doesn’t want to commit, he’s probably not a good candidate for the role of husband!

When it comes to a lifetime commitment, I advise, “Go where you are wanted.” This means date until you find someone who wants you as much as you want them, who won’t ignore you and is willing to commit.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.