Dear Lucia,
Wow, you don’t take any bullcrap. Just break up with everyone, don’t
even try to fix things. I agree now. I started to think the same way. Hopefully,
people will too.
—Agi
Dear Agi,
I’m not suggesting that everyone break up without trying to fix things. If someone is writing to me for advice, it’s because there’s a problem. No one has ever written to tell me how wonderful their relationship was. People are forgetting that the purpose of dating is to see if someone is a match. You can’t put a round peg into a square hole and that is often what people are trying to do.
They believe that just because there’s an attraction, that the person is right for them. Sometimes they are and sometimes they aren’t. You can’t change other people and you shouldn’t try to change yourself to suit what someone is looking for.
Most people think that relationships are supposed to be difficult and need to be worked at. I don’t agree. Sometimes, the best way to change your partner is to change partners.
Dear Lucia,
I have met what seems to be a really neat man and we have gone out on 4 dates
over the course of one and a half months. He tells me how I am different than
most of the girls here in LA, but at the end of each date he tries to get to third
base. I am not up for that at all.
We are very attracted to one another. He also calls just to say hi between dates. What is the protocol? I don’t want to scare him away by being so stuffy or talking too seriously.
—Lani
Dear Lani,
Protocol? If anyone should be worried about the protocol, it should be him. Unfortunately, many girls in L.A. would sleep with someone on the first few dates, so if he really believes you’re different, why is he treating you as if you’re the same?
Someone that is interested in you for more than sex wants to see you more than once every 11 days. He’s dating others and keeping you on the backburner to see if you’ll finally give in. You’re not being stuffy. Anyone that tries to get to third base so quickly, especially on the first date should be dropped from your social roster, unless of course you’re just looking for a booty call.
Lucia,
I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months. He has not told me he loves me and has not taken me to meet his mom (even though he’s talked about it and has met some of my family members). He’s told me that he is "completely retarded over me" and gives me lots of compliments and spends lots of time with me, but at some point I am going to need to know if he loves me. Otherwise, why stay in a relationship? How long is too long to wait to hear those words?
—Waiting Patiently
Dear Waiting,
I don’t agree with you – you’re actually waiting "impatiently."
You cannot put a timeline on love, but I think that to say those 3 words within
the first six months is immature and insincere.
Love is about respect and admiration and those things take time. Your guy is smart
to wait. Actions always speak louder than words and the fact that he’s spending
a lot of time with you speaks volumes.
Talk is cheap and anyone can say "I love you" but the person that is actually there for you is showing that he cares. Don’t let your insecurity and impatience cause you to ruin a good thing.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net.
Watch Lucia’s show, The Art of Love, on Adelphia Public Access on Tuesday, December 20 at 9 pm. The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.
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