My parents named me rather appropriately: Ebony March converts to Ebenezer Scrooge quite easily. Being a member of a dysfunctional family meant that all the normalcy and sweetness that most of my friends felt during the holidays never really translated into our household. Therefore, I developed a great disdain for Thanksgiving, Christmas and the like.

Still, each year, I’m assaulted by a constant barrage of well wishes and good holiday cheer. Bah humbug! It’s enough to make a Grinch like me want to barf.

When you’re a loner who hates the season predicated on familial fun, you may initially feel outnumbered. But mark my words: Los Angeles is a great place to be you and me during the holidays. There are a number of awesome events taking place in the weeks before and after those dreaded calendar dates. You just have to know where to go to enjoy them.

If you were one of the people who saw Drew Barrymore’s kickass directorial debut, Whip It, then you no doubt enjoyed the sexiness and coolness that is roller derby. Although chicks on skates are not a new concept, Barrymore updated the theme with great edge and a powerful message: “Be your own hero.”

You can do just that Saturday, Dec. 5, at 6 p.m. when the famed Derby Dolls Championship takes place. Catch the top-ranked Swarm as they battle the Tough Cookies for the title. If you haven’t seen roller derby in person, trust me, you need to. Not only is it hot, but it’s pretty amusing watching fast babes kick the snot out of each other.

It all goes down at the Doll Factory (1910 W. Temple Ave., Los Angeles; But act fast; I hear this one might sell out online. Tickets range from $20 to $40.

For all my alchies out there, you can finally marry your love of hooch with your bleeding heart by participating in the Happiest of Hours with the District Weekly. Bouchees Bistro (515 Long Beach Blvd., Long Beach) and Smooth’s (144 Pine Ave., Long Beach) are hosting this monthly party, Thursday, Dec. 3, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. There will be plenty of good food and gourmet eats. Best of all, public participation in this event will benefit the Children Today charity.

Los Angeles is a den of sin filled with tawdry secrets and dirty deets. If you’ve been harboring a nasty little secret and you want to get it off your chest then try the Dirty Secret Club (Level 3, 6801 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles) on Thursday, Dec. 17, at 7:30 p.m.

As you enter the event, you’ll be asked to place your beast of burden into the “chest of salvation.” Secrets will be pulled from the box at random and read out throughout the night.

You can purge that monkey on your back, socialize and perhaps engage in some freaky behavior that will require you to participate in next year’s event as well. This is a great place to take friends and relatives who may be in town to visit but dislike Christmas carols as much as you do. Twenty dollars gets you in on all this fun.

Wine tasting is fast becoming one of America’s most beloved pastimes. After all, with the advent of the Food Network and a different cooking show every other day, the public has to know which beverage goes great with a particular dish. Starting this month, the Six (10668 W. Pico Blvd., Los Angeles), formerly Jack Sprat’s, will offer “Wine Wednesdays.”

This means wines by the glass will be $5 with complimentary flatbreads and guest wineries will host. The Six features 17 artisanal wines by the glass, over 24 handcrafted microbrews and six specialty ales on tap.

Finally, to all my homies still pissed about the cancellation of MTV’s “Pimp My Ride,” salvation is here. The annual L.A. Auto Show (1201 S. Figueroa St., Downtown; is back and ready to dazzle with the finest in automotive innovation. This event is a steal at $8 to $12 and lasts until Dec. 13. You’ll see the best in concept cars as well as upcoming models of rides that you already know and love.