With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
Dear Lucia,
What is your take on men who refuse to go into stores that are targeted
toward women (i.e. Victoria’s Secret, Wet Seal)? Is it because they’re
macho?
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
What would I call a man that didn’t want to go with his girlfriend to women’s
clothing stores? I’d call him: a man! This has nothing to do with being macho.
There are two types of men: the ones that love to go shopping with their girl and see her try on different outfits and the ones that prefer to see the outfits after she buys them. Don’t judge him for not wanting to accompany you and don’t try to force him to join you. How would you feel if he wanted you go to Home Depot or Pep Boys with him? Exactly!
Men are goal oriented and the thought of just wandering around a mall looking, trying things on and possibly not even buying something doesn’t make sense to them. For women, it’s therapeutic. We love to shop! Take a girlfriend or go alone.
Dear Lucia,
How long should I wait to tell a girl I love her?
—Shaun B.
Dear Shaun,
While you can’t put a timeline on love, it’s better to err on the side
of caution. If you say it too soon and she doesn’t feel the same way, you
probably won’t get the reciprocal response you’re hoping for.
What you’re really saying when you utter those three little words is "I think you’re great, I love being with you and I’d like for us to be together for a very long time." By the time you’re ready to declare your feelings, the relationship should be exclusive or should become so as a result of saying how you feel. If you’re not yet at that point, wait!
In either case, at least six months should pass before you even think of going there. By that time you’ll have a good idea of where the relationship is headed and whether you think it has long-term potential.
And, of course, I hope I don’t need to remind anyone to never say "I love you" as a manipulation to get something. You may think you’re getting away with it, but remember one little word: karma.
Dear Lucia,
I read one of your archived articles where you said, "Everyone is looking
for the right person, but few people concentrate on being the right person."
Is this ever true! I am divorced and now happily single and happier than I’ve
ever been.
When I separated about two years ago I was miserable. I had done nothing to build my own life in years, had few friends I could call my own, was needy and depressed.
I took it upon myself to rebuild my life into the "second chance" I wanted when I decided to separate, and now I have a fun, exciting life. Meanwhile, my "single and unhappy" friends who felt sorry for me when I got separated are still single, unhappy, stuck in the same miserable jobs and still not doing anything to help themselves.
I look younger and am in great shape, dress more hip, have style, have a job I like, fun things going on and a great dating life. Now my challenge is finding a woman who also has those great things going for her. Such women are very rare, but I’m enjoying the search.
Bottom line: If you want to find an attractive person, you need to become an attractive person and build an attractive life, and you need to do it for your own benefit. I hope your readers are listening.
Preach on, sister!
—Rhett
Dear Rhett,
Thanks for your letter!
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
"The Art of Love" is sponsored by JEWELTOPIA, 10873 Pico
Blvd. & Glendale Galleria.
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