Hi Lucia,

Two years ago, [I] found out my fiancé was meeting someone else for dinner, doing favors for her, etc.  When I truly walked out and said enough, he begged and cried and pleaded that it would never happen again. He convinced me to go to counseling and after about five sessions, he suddenly didn’t have the time. 

Now I found out he is back in touch with a woman he dated in high school and another woman he says is just a friend.  When I ask to meet these new so-called female friends, he gets angry and accuses me of cheating. 

He had time to pick out a snow blower for the one he used to date in high school and then had a driver at his job pick it up, put it together and deliver it to her house. He goes out to dinner with her and turns off his phone or conveniently leaves it in the car. Two weekends ago, he spent about $100 on a dress shirt, tie and sports coat to go to her mother's funeral and wake. I asked to go to the funeral with him and he gave me every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn’t go. I told him it’s because he hasn’t told this woman about me, and that is why I couldn’t go. 

Several weekends ago, with Hurricane Sandy coming, he spent all night on the computer trying to find this woman a generator but had no time to answer my calls. Then he had the balls (sorry) to ask me to go with him to look for generators on Saturday and to check online for him too. 

Now he deletes his text messages to both of these women.

Am I losing it or is my gut feeling sort of on the right track?  Paulina


Hi Paulina,

Are you on the right track?  Girl, not only are you on the right track, if you stand there much longer you will be run over!  Good God!  What does a red flag have to do before you see it?  Chase you down and bonk you over the head?  

It’s nice to see your so-called fiancé is such a nice and caring man – too bad it’s directed to everyone except you!  This clearly proves that a guy can be a jerk to one woman and a prince to another – it just depends on who he’s interested in and clearly, it’s not you.

You’ve already caught him seeing another woman behind your back, couples counseling didn’t work out and now he’s up to his old tricks again.  I think it’s time for you to hit the road and don’t look back!

I would also strongly suggest therapy to find out why you are so willing to sweep the truth under the rug and stay with a man who doesn’t care about you.  As Iyanla Vanzant would say, “It’s not about him, boo.  It’s about you.”

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from her book, Lucia’s Lessons of Love, at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.