Hi Lucia,

I’ve been dating a guy for over two years. We were really close, but then I began to question the next steps in our relationship. Now he doesn’t call me as much, and I am not sure how to get things back like they were. Lately he says he is busy, which I know is not true.

He says that he does want to marry me but now is not the right time with work and medical bills. I just want him emotionally back with me. I know I pushed him away by talking so much about our relationship. How do I fix this?


Hi Ann,

We’ve just entered the second decade of the 21st century, but most women are still dating as if it’s 1950. Dating a guy for two years no longer means that things will automatically progress to the next level. It’s only natural that you would want to know where things are going and it’s only natural that if he doesn’t want them to go anywhere, he will back off.

While he is entitled to take as long as he wants to make up his mind about marriage, you are entitled to not have to continue putting your eggs into one basket. If, after two years he’s still not ready to propose, you need to take back the most important thing a woman can give to a man in the 21st century – your exclusivity.

Tell him that he can take as long as he wants to make up his mind, he just can’t have you exclusively while he’s doing it. Yes, I’m telling you to date other men. You don’t need to sleep with them, however, you just may find that you will meet someone who is on the same page as you and will not use work or medical bills as an excuse to avoid marriage.

I know this is a new way of looking at things, but ask yourself this: Do I want to be a girlfriend or do I want to be a wife? You’ve already put in two years as a girlfriend. How much more time are you willing to wait hoping that you’ll be “promoted” to wife?

I’m sure your guy won’t be too happy about this, but don’t let that stop you. If he really wants you, then he needs to “put a ring on it” before someone else does!

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.