Hi Ms. Lucia,
I have a friend that I began to have feelings for. At first I tried to fight them and stay away from him, but eventually I gave in and slept with him. We have been having sex for five months, but it doesn’t seem as if he’s interested in anything more.
I once asked him, “Who I am to you?” and he coldly answered, “Friend … only a friend.” So I asked him why we were sleeping together, and he couldn’t answer me.
I am in love with him, and I don’t know what to do since he keeps insisting we are just friends, but by his actions, we are more than that.
We have a lot of common friends, so I can’t just walk away and forget him. They all think that we are having a relationship. Please tell me what to do.
I always advise looking at a person’s actions before their words; however, in this case, the words count just as much, if not more. Guys try desperately to stay out of the friend zone if they are interested in dating, so if someone is saying he is just a friend, believe it!
He didn’t want to answer why you’re sleeping together because he knew you wouldn’t like the answer and may possibly put an end to the situation. He’s sleeping with you because you’ve allowed him to, without asking for anything more.
If you’re seeing someone and you have to ask, “Who am I to you?” then the answer is probably, “No one I’m really serious about.” If a guy is interested, you will definitely know. His actions are not saying you are more than friends, but you are interpreting them that way because that’s what you want to believe.
What should you do? You can continue to sleep with him, with the false hope that it will lead to a relationship. You can continue to sleep with him while dating other guys and then end it when you meet someone who wants what you want or you can just go back to being friends and not having sex.
The right choice is usually the one that’s the hardest one to follow through on. As usual, you have the power to decide what you will do.
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Q & A
Hi Ms. Lucia,