Hi Lucia,

You always hear the phrase “Don’t give your power away,” but what exactly does that mean?

—Adele

Hi Adele,

The most precious thing you have to give to others is your time and energy. When you give that to another person, you are taking it away from your own life, since you have a finite amount of time and energy per day.

Giving your power away means that you are focusing and giving energy to someone more than you are giving to yourself. This means that you are thinking about them and the relationship more than you are thinking about yourself and what you need in your life.

While this is OK to do with someone whom you have a solid commitment with (married, living together), it doesn’t work if you are simply dating someone. You are giving your power away when you make that person more important than you.

Taking your power back means putting the focus back on your own life and what you need. You become the conductor of your own train, rather than a passenger on someone else’s.



Hi Lucia,

I am 40 years old, dating a guy who is 31, and we are intending to get married. I don’t feel confident most of the time, because younger women are attracted to him. How can I gain confidence?

—Mary

Hi Mary,

The No. 1 reason guys say they are attracted to older women is confidence, so until you feel confident, do not even think about marrying your younger man, or it will not go well. Although nine years may seem like a big age difference to you, these days it’s not that big!

He is interested in you because you have qualities which younger women don’t: maturity, life experience, no drama, sexual confidence. The fact that the two of you are intending to marry means he wants to be with you, not someone younger. If he had wanted a younger woman, he would have gotten one.

No matter who you’re with, at some point, another woman will find him attractive. That’s just life. Your job is to find someone who loves you so much that no matter who is attracted to him, he’s always happy to come home to you.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.