Your observations on the TV show “The Bachelor” sound like they are out of the Stone Age! Women should not act different to “catch” a man, or because they are on a TV show; he would dump her anyway if she was not what she appeared to be once the cameras quit rolling! That is more of the problem than a woman being “too aggressive” in your eyes, or not playing “hard to get.”

There are all types of men and women in this world, and there are men who love a strong, aggressive woman. My husband said what attracted him to me is that I did not play games, was self-assured, sexually open and there was no “agenda,” yet I am sexy and feminine at the same time. He said a woman who is all “frills” and is too “needy” is a turn off! A man will see through it eventually, and it will end badly.

Your generalization of females from watching a TV show is really ridiculous. You are supposed to be an “enlightened” woman? It doesn’t sound like it at all.

—Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for saying that I am enlightened, and because I consider myself as such, I am willing to make observations which some people may not agree with. I didn’t come to my conclusions just from watching the show. I already knew that most men need to feel like men in order to be attracted to a woman. Psychiatrist Dr. Paul Dobransky, who has been a guest on my show, discusses this in his book, How We Fall in Love.

You’re right that some men prefer a more aggressive woman, however, they are in the minority. Jungian therapist Dr. Pat Allen refers to them as Feminine-Energy Men in her book, Getting to I Do. It’s quite possible your husband falls into this category.

I didn’t say anything about playing games, or being frilly or needy, but it’s interesting that’s how you chose to interpret my words. I am not telling women to not be themselves. If anything, it’s the opposite. It’s when women behave like men that they are not being themselves. I believe a lot of the problems between men and women in today’s society are because women have forgotten or have never known how a real woman behaves.

In the spirit of harmony between the sexes, I am reminding women that being a woman is about being, not doing.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.