Hi Lucia,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year-a-half now, and our relationship has taken a change recently. He’s distant, and we hardly have sex anymore.

We used to be passionate and adventurous, but now he says he needs to take a mini vacation to have time alone since we see each other everyday. We live together, so I can’t really do anything about that.

I have asked him if he is still serious about our future or should I move out. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. I used to see the love in his eyes and in his touch, but now it’s like we are roommates that sleep in the same bed! I don’t know what to do?


Hi Jay,

When a guy stops wanting to have sex anymore, that’s a HUGE red flag. It could be for any number of reasons, none of which are good: He’s cheating, he’s turned off by you, he’s angry with you or he’s into porn.

On top of that, he wants to spend less time together. When someone is into you, they want to be with you as much as possible. I don’t care that he says he loves you and still wants to be with you. This is not how a man who is in love behaves.

You have one of two options: The first is to move out and see if it’s possible to salvage the relationship once you are no longer under the same roof. The second is to give him all the space he wants.

Try not to be home at the same time as much as possible. Build a full life outside of your relationship, so that if it does end, it won’t be as devastating, since you will already be living as if you are single. Maybe by giving him breathing room and not asking about the relationship, he may remember the reason he fell in love with you in the first place.

Your letter is the perfect example of why I don’t believe in living together. It is a convenience. Only marriage is a commitment.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.