I have known my lover for just over two years. We started dating, became boy/girlfriend and then finished, lasting approximately one year.

Since that time we have become lovers, meeting a couple of times a month, with me breaking it off every now and then because I still love the guy and get too emotionally close to continue. However, a couple of months later I contact him, as I miss him terribly. We then start all over again.

He does want to meet someone, and we have discussed that our “relationship” makes it difficult for either of us to find someone new. I am 36, would really like to settle down and have kids. I have dated various men over the last couple of years, but no one that has lasted more than four dates.

Is there any way I can get this guy to want to be with me full time? The sex is great, we get on great but he feels I am not “the one.” —Katherine

Hi Katherine,

Imagine you’re on a trip, and you come to a fork in the road. One path leads to a husband and children and the other leads to a sexual relationship with your ex. It’s not likely that you will find both on the same path. You say you want to settle down but continuing to do what you’re doing is not going to get you where you want to go.

This guy should at least be commended for being honest and telling you he doesn’t think you’re the one, instead of just stringing you along and giving you false hope. When a man says this to you, please believe him. Why would he say it if it isn’t true?

I know it’s difficult to break away from an ex that you still haven’t gotten over; however, you are making it even more so by continuing to have sex with him. Even though you stop for a few months, every time you start up again, you are actually back to square one.

The only way to get out of this vicious cycle is to stay away from him and keep your eyes on the prize – a family with a man who loves you – not sex with a man who doesn’t.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.