Picture it: Valentine’s Day 2010. My phone rings at approximately 6:45 p.m. I’m watching “The Tudors” on Showtime (I figure, if I can’t have Jonathan Rhys-Meyers in real life, I can at least watch him on cable.). I answer to discover that my friend, Adam, is on the other line. He wants to come over. Hmm, interesting.

Ten minutes later, 6-feet-2 inches of just about the cutest 24-year-old known to man shows up at my doorstep. Now, sparing you the gory details, I will say that some nooky DID go down. Yes folks, my Valentine’s Day consisted of three minutes of THE BEST LOVIN’ in history.

In times of recession, it’s fun to enjoy a little naughtiness every now and again. Sure, mine wasn’t of the epic marathon variety. But as the saying goes: “Sex is like pizza; even when it’s not so great, it’s still pretty good.”

When looking for some safe carnal fun, there are many cool avenues to pursue, even when money is tight. Now, before you get started, it’s imperative to have the safety thing taken care of right off the bat.

You no longer have the excuse of not being able to afford condoms when they are readily accessible all over town, cheap to free. The Saban Free Clinic (thesabanfreeclinic.org) has several convenient locations, including Hollywood and West Hollywood. You can walk-in or book an appointment – your choice. Just ask them for condoms, and they will gift you with a bag of colored, flavored and even ribbed lifesavers to make shtupping a little more worry free.

If you would prefer to buy yours, you can pick some up at the 99 Cents Only Stores. I know that there’s the consensus that things purchased at this discount mart are somehow lackluster. But when it comes to condoms that is not really the case. The manufacturer sets the standards for safety – not the store. Just check the date on the box and make sure they say “latex” on the packaging.

Looking for a place to get busy? Well, I can’t promise you a thing in that department. However, there are Web sites out there that are making the casual hookup a huge part of the cultural lexicon.

The elusive Sugar Mama and Sugar Daddy are the holy grail of Los Angeles. If you can nab a lover with deep pockets, you’re as good as gold. Imagine yourself with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, going to dinner in his or her new Maserati or sunning on a yacht off the coast of Catalina.

You can find such a “friend” at Sugar Daddy for Me (sugardaddyforme.com). Registration is free and allows access to a database of thousands of wealthy singles looking for love. You can even answer ads posted by rich folks looking for Mr. and Ms. Right (now). AND the site is gay-friendly so no one is excluded!

AshleyMadison.com also offers the chance to hook up with someone a little older and perhaps more experienced. However, this site caters to those who want to nab a married lover. So if your heart tells you otherwise, stick to something that won’t weigh as heavily on your morals and ethics.

I have a ton of male friends, and I don’t think there’s one of them who hasn’t been to a strip bar. While strippers are indeed the hardest working girls in town, the negative economy has been rough on them, too.

Gone are the fierce sounds of Lucite heels strutting around clubs on the Sunset Strip. Many of these women have either lost their gigs or have taken to clubs in the suburbs.

There is one strip club located in Glendale that seems to have a great formula for fun, despite the “hard times” (pun intended). Gentlemen’s Club (5175 San Fernando Road, Glendale) offers the chance to hobnob with all kinds of L.A.-based cuties. From Asian ladies to Latinas to blond kittens to Nubian princesses, you’ll find your brand of eye candy on tap.

On the weekend, $20 (a bargain) gets you admission, plus two drinks. Private dances are $25 and most other beverages are $5 each. Parking is an additional $5. Of course, if you don’t mind crossing busy San Fernando Road, you can save yourself some dough by street parking.