Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.


Dear Lucia,

Can you please tell me why a man never calls when he says he will? This has got to be the most annoying thing ever. You sit at home waiting for the phone to ring or even for a text message, but nothing – nothing!

Why do guys do this? It hurts, guys, it really hurts. You think you know a guy, you even start to like him, and then he says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t. Why do guys do this?

—Annie R.

Dear Annie,

OK, OK, I get it. You’re pissed that guys don’t call when they say they will. Why do they do this? There could be many reasons. I decided to go to the experts for this one: guys.

I found the following posting on in response to a girl who was complaining about the same thing. Brace yourself.

“This is sad but true … When I blow off a girl … it drives her insane and psycho, and just knowing that I have her wrapped around my finger turns me off. I don’t have to give a damn thing but some BS words to keep her around when I need her. She lets herself get like that. I bet if you stopped with the e-mails and phone calls and acted like you could move on without him, he would be kissing your ass in no time.”

Nice, huh? There’s more. Here are some comments from a recent national radio talk show that asked “bad boys” to call in:

“Anytime you ice them (women), they just can’t get enough … These women are just absolutely stupid … It’s completely messed up.”

So does this mean all guys who don’t call when they say they will are players? No, but it’s very likely. They know it will drive you crazy, and they’re right, as evidenced by the tone of your letter.

You say you sit at home waiting for the phone to ring. People still do that? I thought cell phones ended all that. I’m being facetious. I understand what you mean. Why are you waiting for anyone’s call? Get a life.

To quote you: “You think you know a guy, you even start to like him.” I’m assuming this is not your boyfriend, but someone you’re dating. Have people forgotten the purpose of dating? It’s about finding who the other person is and what he or she is all about. If someone doesn’t call when they say they will, more often than not, they’re either playing games or they’re unreliable. Does that sound like a good candidate for a boyfriend or husband?

The problem is that women perceive the silent phone as a personal rejection and think that the guy didn’t call because there is something wrong with them. Instead, why not take the opposing point of view and realize that it’s a big warning sign telling you that there’s probably something wrong with him?

The answer to the eternal question “Why didn’t he call” is always: Because he didn’t want to!! OK? So get over it. The real question is: Why didn’t he want to call? The answer to that question will determine whether you should continue dating him or not. The only way to know that is to stop listening to what he says and look at what he does.

So, the next time a guy says, “I’ll call you,” let it go in one ear and out the other.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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