I met a man at the end of 2005 when he moved into my building after his wife asked him to move out. He was cheating on her with his secretary. I became friends with him and his two young kids.

After his divorce one and a half years later, we kissed unexpectedly and began to date. When he told his secretary, she turned psycho on him. He told her he wanted to date other people and did just that including online dating but I was always the one that got under his skin and that he couldn’t stay away from.

In 2008 I found out that I was pregnant. When I told him, he was smiling and happy. We were never exclusive, and he did not attend my doctor appointments because his secretary threatened him. I was upset at him and decided I could do this on my own.

I am now going through a child support case, and he is being forced to help me. I hurt so much inside. I don’t know when the pain will ever go away. I truly had fun and was in love with this guy. I cry weekly. What can I do? —Sherry



This is the second e-mail I’ve gotten in a month where a woman is pregnant with someone she does not have an exclusive, committed relationship with and wants to know what to do now. Unfortunately, not everything can be fixed.

You allowed yourself to become pregnant by a man who had cheated on his wife and was still seeing his secretary. Somehow, you thought he would treat you differently, because you were the one to get “under his skin.”

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have (a cheater who doesn’t want to support his child), focus on what you do have (a child who is totally dependent on you). The only thing to do now is to get child support and provide a loving and stable home for your child. The bottom line is that if women make emotional rather than logical choices when it comes to getting pregnant, it rarely leads to anything good for any of the parties involved.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.