I’ve been seeing this guy for the past two years. He has talked about marriage and kids. He does want to get married but wants to be more financially independent first.

He has been putting his work and friends first, and it is tough. When I want something more I put my foot down, and he does it. I told him how I felt and he has been better about putting me first, but I feel as if I’m driving the relationship.

I think he is taking me for granted by taking his time to commit. I am not in a rush to get a commitment. I don’t want to push him, but I want him to commit. I am scared that he won’t ever commit and our relationship will be like this for the next eight years!

I love him so much, and it is obvious that he cares about me. I just wish he would move faster. —Confused

What’s the big rush? Even though you say you’re not in a rush, in the very next sentence you contradict yourself and say you want him to commit. Are you afraid you’re going to lose him? Did you ever think that by pushing him to do things he’s not ready for, you will eventually lose him anyway?  

If he doesn’t want to put you first or make a commitment, that’s his business. Your only job is to decide whether you want to be with him or to move on.

Maybe if you back off and stop driving the relationship, he will be more willing to commit. What you’ve been doing obviously isn’t working so you have nothing to lose by trying a new approach.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.