I have been [talking] online with a gentleman for about five weeks. We have sent hundreds of e-mails, photos, music etc. We talked about finally meeting, but because he travels two and a half weeks per month we haven’t yet.

A week ago we got into an argument because I told him I didn’t want to answer any more questions, and I had been burned before online. He made it all about him and said that I was comparing him to a loser.

I really feel that he wasn’t ready to meet and since then I apologized and I sent him a song and him several to me ... but no real e-mails and no plans. I have decided to not comment on his songs anymore, and unless he is ready to meet me and go forward there is no point. Am I correct? —Lynn

You are 100 percent correct. I see many red flags here. First, what’s with the “hundreds of emails, etc.” in only five weeks? Is he looking for an “e-pal” or someone to date?

Secondly, instead of being understanding when you let him know you didn’t want to be burned again, he got inappropriately defensive. This usually means someone is trying to deflect the attention from the truth – that is: He’s still not willing to meet you.

Finally, if someone is willing to chat, e-mail, etc. but doesn’t want to meet, it’s not because they’re not ready. More often than not, it’s because they’re already involved – married, living together or girlfriend.

So, it’s ultimatum time. Tell him that if he wants to communicate with you, it will have to be in person. Don’t fall for any, and I do mean, any excuses. I’m willing to bet you’ll never meet.

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