I met this guy online who said he was interested in me and wanted me to visit him. When I refused, he then offered to visit me instead. We met and talked. He said he didn’t want to lose me.

My investigation reveals he has two different ladies whom he sometimes spends his weekends with. Anytime he was with them and I called, he would not answer. I think he is a player. I stopped calling him, and he keeps asking why. Do you think I should tell him?

—Valerie

Investigation? Why are you investigating him? Is he your boyfriend? Do you have a commitment? If not, then he has a right to see whom he wants, when he wants.

I don’t see any reason why you would need to tell him the reason. It’s not like he’s going to stop seeing them all of a sudden. It’s understandable that you don’t want to be part of a harem, so, just tell him you’ve met someone else, or you’re not feeling a connection.

Is oral sex wrong?

—Anonymous

Only if it’s not done right! Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

I’m assuming you were brought up to think there is something wrong with oral sex, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking. Why would it be wrong? If your partner consents (and most will), and you want to do it, then why not?  

At some point, you need to decide how you want to live your life, instead of blindly going along with others’ ideas of right and wrong.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.