I met a really attractive, intelligent woman at an art gallery. We had been talking for about a half hour, really seemed to develop a great rapport and had a tentative coffee date.

Then, things suddenly went downhill when I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure.” I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She said, “Excuse me? Why are you talking about my figure?”

I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments, but I only exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She told me I was being “inappropriate” and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.

It seemed like a harmless comment to me but maybe I don’t understand women. Should I send her an apology or should I interpret the slap as a definitive way of saying she wants no further contact?

—Kevin

Beautiful, intelligent women rarely want to be objectified. By commenting on her figure within half an hour of meeting her, that’s exactly what you were doing.

Unless you are simply looking for a lover, the rule of thumb is not to mention a woman’s body or to bring up sex until she has given you verbal or nonverbal cues that she’d be open to that. This usually takes a few dates.

On the other hand, I think she was out of line to slap you. Your comment was a faux pas, but it didn’t warrant such a strong response.

You can certainly try to apologize, however her actions tell me she’s no longer interested in pursuing anything with you.



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