By now we’ve all heard about the Courtney Cox-David Arquette split. David recently explained that the cause of the break up was because Courtney didn’t want to be his mother anymore. A woman cannot be attracted to a man she feels she has to mother. This relationship dynamic often leads to divorce or sexless unions.  

The repulsion to being sexually attracted to a man a woman is mothering runs so deep that even Bonobo chimpanzees, who are thought to be our closest living relatives, will have male/male, female/female or adult/minor sex, but they will not do it with their own offspring.

It’s very easy to slip into the mother role if a woman isn’t careful. For example, many men seem to have the habit of leaving things lying around on the floor. If a woman starts to pick up after him, he figures he doesn’t need to pick up after himself and he stops doing it. She has just turned into his mother, and he has become her son.

Yet society tells women they need to do things for their men. So how can a woman still do this without becoming his mother? Women need to walk a fine line between doing some things but not everything. The only time a woman should “take care” of a man is when he is sick. Otherwise, if he wants you to do something which he can/should do himself, the response which will save your relationship should be: I’m not your mother.  

Write to Lucia at Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.