I recently decided to end my marriage of seven years. He was cheating and I don’t love him anymore, but I can’t seem to move on as quickly as him.

Guys approach me, but I always back off and then regret it later. I just want to date right now; I don’t want to be in a relationship for a long time. Is it too forward to ask a guy to hang out?

—Confused

Believe it or not, “confused” is actually a good state to be in, because it means you are open to suggestions as to what you should do.

It doesn’t matter if your ex seems to have moved on before you. This isn’t a race. Men generally do that because that is how they handle breakups. They are willing to get into another relationship a lot faster, in order to help them deal with their feelings of loss.

It’s perfectly understandable that you don’t want to be in a relationship right now and nor should you be. You need to heal from the divorce before you can be a good partner.

You don’t need to “ask a guy to hang out.” Dating these days often starts with just “hanging out” anyway.

If you’re interested in someone, start dating and don’t bring up commitment. Eventually he will and that’s when you can say that you’re not ready for that yet, unless you are!



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.