Hi Lucia,

I am so depressed right now. I feel as though I have dated so many guys and have had my heart broken, or at least dented, over and over (even when I break up with them).

Finally I feel as though I’ve met a man who hits all my checks on the list, and seems to really like me. We have only been dating a month or so, and I want to take it slow, but he keeps pushing the cuddling and intimacy so that it’s hard to resist feeling an emotional connection to him.

Trouble is, I am deathly afraid of this not working out. I don’t think I can take another heartbreak. My biggest fear is that he is so wonderful (smart, talented, interesting, successful, good looking, etc.) that one day he will realize that he is too good for me. In fact, I feel that he is superior to me in most ways and this is causing me to feel really bad about myself, and wonder if I am just a loser who will never be good enough for a truly wonderful man.

What do you suggest I should do? I am usually very confident, and I have never before felt inferior to the man I was dating, and yet he is nothing but good to me! Is this relationship doomed?


Hi Alle,

I hope that you wrote to me in a moment of weakness, and that you are now feeling much better, otherwise, this relationship is absolutely doomed unless you snap out of it!

The No. 1 trait people find attractive in the opposite sex is confidence. There are biological reasons for this, which I won’t get into at the moment, but if you don’t have it right now, you’ll have to fake it till you get it back.

What exactly does it mean that someone is “too good for you”? With all his wonderful qualities, which you mentioned, do you really think he’d waste his time on someone who he didn’t think was worthy of him? He sees how wonderful you are, even if you’ve temporarily forgotten about it.

You are right to not be intimate with him until you get your confidence back, as that will only make things worse. Tell him you don’t want to rush things and don’t feel comfortable being intimate yet.

In the meantime, I want you to make a list of at least 50 wonderful things about you – even the smallest things such as good hair, shapely eyebrows, fast typist, etc. I then want you to review your list every morning before you start your day, and definitely before you are about to see your guy. Keep the list in your phone if you can, so that you can look at it whenever you start to feel down on yourself.

This should help get your confidence back. Keep in touch and let me know what happens!