Q & A

Dear Lucia,

I am 33, dating a girl of 19. We get along well and share the same dreams/goals. I buy her clothes, take her on trips, cook for her and do her laundry. It got to a point we were feeling like a married couple. I liked that. She too it seemed. The problem is, she wants to break it off and be with other men. I don't want that. What should I do to save this? Can I? Tony

Dear Tony,

Forget her! Come over and cook/do laundry for me. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Okay, in all seriousness, she’s too young for you and you know it. Of course she wants to see other men. It’s called "sowing your wild oats". Most people have to go through it and this is the age when she should be doing it. She’s probably only been dating for a few years, so she wants to explore the world and see what else is available. In the process she will grow and become an adult. Attempting to hold onto her would be futile. She would eventually start to resent you. Remember, if you love someone, set them free. It’s not just a song but a universal truth. If you give her the space she needs, she may eventually decide you’re the one she wants to be with. If you try to hold on, she will definitely decide you’re not the one she wants to be with.

Hi Lucia,

I am in love with a girl whose mother does not approve of me. She hasn't met me but she wants her daughter to marry a doctor. This girl is afraid of her mom but yet she loves me. Her parents went through a divorce when she was 3 years. I think her mom is bitter to men because of this. I love her a lot and trying to let her go is painful because I haven't done anything wrong. Please give me any helpful advice that would help me reach her mom. Confused

Dear Confused,

The issue is not the mother, but the daughter. If she is "afraid" of her mother, then she is still an adolescent and not an adult, no matter what age she is. Even if you were to marry her, you would have a mother in law that didn’t approve, and a wife that was afraid to make waves. Does this sound like a happy marriage? That fact that her mom doesn’t approve of someone she hasn’t even met tells me she is controlling and your girlfriend is allowing it, for whatever reason. Until and unless your gf is willing to cut the apron springs and make her own decisions, this will not be a happy union.

Dear Lucia,

My boyfriend is always checking out other girls and it bothers me. Why does he do that? Maxine N.

Dear Maxine,

You didn’t mention how old he is. Blatantly checking out other women is never acceptable, but if he’s in his teens or early 20s, it’s probably a maturity issue. Otherwise, there could be several reasons: a) he’s not that into you or b) he’s trying to make you jealous. If it’s a, why bother to stick around? If it’s b, he’s insecure and your reaction reassures him you still care. You can do one of two things: Either call him on it and tell him he is being disrespectful when he does that and you won’t stand for it or start checking out other guys! If he complains, point out that he does the same thing with girls and you’ll stop when he stops! Fight fire with fire.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net

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