Hi Lucia,

I’ve been seeing this guy off and on since 2005, but his job has kept us from a real relationship because he moves around the country a lot. I have continually expressed how I don’t like that he only texts me and doesn’t call, and it has been a constant argument. I feel like I can’t feel connected to him without conversation, but he still does not honor my one request. He tells me I’m being selfish and childish, when I think it’s the other way around.

He has recently moved a little over an hour away, so I thought he would become more active in pursuing a real relationship, but I am still “nagging” him about his not calling. What do you think is this guy’s issue with talking to me on the phone? Should I just move on because he can’t fulfill my need of emotional connection, or should I try to deal with the texting and hope he comes around one day?


Hi Carrie,

It’s a popular notion that guys don’t like to talk on the phone, but I’ve found the complete opposite – I can’t get guys off the phone! They are willing to talk for hours if the conversation is fun, interesting and there is no nagging or judgment.

If a guy is interested in pursuing a real relationship with you, he will be more than happy to call you. It may not be as often as you like, but he will at least call. If someone is just into a casual relationship, then they’re not as likely to call because they’re not trying to get close to you and form a connection. Nagging rarely if ever works, so you may as well stop that right now.

His job has not kept him from having a real relationship, he has. If he hasn’t “come around” in six years, he probably never will. This is an imaginary relationship. If that’s what you want, continue to see him. If not, it’s time to move on.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.