Hi Lucia,

A guy I started dating came into the bar I work at. While waiting for me to finish, he got slightly drunk and ended up having another date with a girl while I was working. Is this appropriate? There was no commitment between the two of us, but he blew me a kiss goodnight and apparently we have a date next weekend. I don’t mind if he dates, but why do it in my place of work in front of my friends. He doesn’t know I know.

—Mia



Hi Mia

I always say we should look at a person’s actions rather than words. Even if you don’t have a commitment, if a guy is interested in pursuing a relationship with you, he’s not going to have a date with another woman in front of you. Even if he thought you wouldn’t find out, the fact that he would behave so brazenly speaks volumes about his character.

If you want to continue to see him, that’s up to you, however, I would advise not having sex with him until you have a commitment. If you’re already sleeping with him, tell him you don’t feel comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. You don’t want to get hormonally addicted to someone who has such a casual attitude towards you.



Hi Lucia,

I was supposed to have a first date with a guy I’ve been talking to on the phone several times a day for three weeks, but he got in an accident. I could have picked him up, but it was too late by the time he let me know.

We were supposed to go out the following week. I sent him a text at lunch telling him to pick me up at 4:30. I rushed home early from work to get ready and ended up sitting around for two hours wondering where he was.

I finally got a text saying he just woke up, doesn’t feel good and can’t talk on the phone. When I probed further, he sent a text saying, “Why can’t you understand that I don’t feel good?” What should I do?

—Ann

Hi Ann,

This sounds fishy to me. I understand that something may have happened the first time, but twice in a row? I think there is something going on that you don’t know about, like an addiction or another woman. I would advise you to move on. I do want to point something out and that is, that you shouldn’t have spent so much time on the phone with someone you hadn’t met yet. Everyone wants someone who is “high value,” and a woman who has time to talk to a stranger several times a day for three weeks comes across as anything but “high value.”



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.