I’m 37 dating a lady that is 39. Over two weeks we went on four or five dates and we also hung out at each other’s houses for hours. We both agreed we wanted to take things slowly, but we got intimate about four weeks into it. After that we decided to be exclusive and not meet or see anyone else.

Three weeks later she says we need to slow down and get to know me better. We had some long conversations and decided that we are just dating again. She says she likes me and she’s not dating anyone else. She used to tell me she misses me and call me babe but doesn’t anymore. She also mentioned she is going through a rough time personally (I know what those things are.), and she just isn’t ready for a boyfriend.

I am totally into her, and it’s hard to go backwards. I don’t know if I should just call it off or believe her and go back to dating.

—Chris



What exactly is your idea of “taking things slowly.” Most people think that means waiting two to four weeks to have sex, but I disagree. The foundation of a healthy relationship is friendship. If you really wanted to take it slowly, you should have waited until the “honeymoon” phase was over. This means at least three months – that’s right, three months. Unfortunately, most people today are into instant gratification and aren’t willing to wait that long.

Everyone wants to be with a “high value person” but by having the time to hang out with her for hours within the first two weeks, you showed her that you don’t have a life, and therefore aren’t high value.

I’ve always said if someone is willing to rush in, they’re just as likely to rush out. That’s what this woman is doing. Things moved too fast, and she needs to take a step back.  

The best thing to do is to accept the situation as it is and actually go slowly this time. That means you see each other one or two times a week at the most for the next several months and you do not talk or text every day.

You’re being given a second chance here. Don’t blow it. Show her you have a life and aren’t needy, and she may soon decide she wants to be exclusive with you once again.



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