What does a girl do when slutty girls look at her man? I have a fear of him falling into bed with this one hussy who works with us. I know I would be out of there but at the same time, shoot, I don’t want it to happen!  

How do I curb my fears? How do I have confidence with this one night-stand girl? How in the hell do I just ignore that “yucky” feeling I get? My man loves me and wants to marry me, but whenever this mess comes around I wanna run. He doesn’t talk to her, but I wonder if he does when I’m not around?

—Tonya



You’ve called this girl four different derogatory names in your brief e-mail. Do you talk about her like this to your boyfriend? If so, you’ve just told him that you feel insecure about his feelings for you. Insecurity is never attractive, especially if she really is all those things. If she’s such a “mess” why would you feel threatened?

You say you’d be out of there, but I don’t believe you. If that were true, you wouldn’t be so concerned about what might be happening, but in most cases, probably isn’t. Our imaginations like to make up worst-case scenarios.  You would know if he “fell into bed” (not sure exactly how one does that, but OK), you’d be able to walk if you wanted to. However, since you fear you can’t handle it, you are freaking out and have probably mentioned it to him. This tells him you see her as a real threat, because otherwise, you wouldn’t give it a second thought.

This is not about other women looking or even talking to him. This is about you! Unless you plan to live on a remote mountaintop, there will always be other women around him. If you truly believe your boyfriend loves you and wants to marry you, what makes you think he would mess things up by being with a “hussy” or anyone else for that matter? Do you not trust him? If not, you’d better think twice about marrying him if he does propose.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.