I just started seeing this girl whom I met at a club. We had a good conversation when we first met, and I obtained her number. I called her after two days and left a voicemail as she did not pick up. Eventually, she texted me back late at night saying she was still at work and would call me the next day.

We talked the next day and set up a first date at a restaurant where we met up at. I was late due to unforeseen traffic, but let her know and I apologized. Things seemed to go good, and I took her home to her place after dinner. I attempted to call her the next week and left a voicemail. She texted back and said work was really busy and that she would call me on the weekend.

We talked on Sunday and made a date to meet a second time at a coffee shop on Wednesday. I wasn’t able to make it and called her to let her know. She said that was OK, and I asked her plans for the weekend. She said she would be busy with a bachelorette party. She ended the phone conversation by saying, “Keep in touch.”

I attempted to call her the following week and she didn’t answer, so I left her a voicemail. I then called again unsuccessfully. It’s been almost a week, and she hasn’t called or texted back. From my assessment, she is a quiet girl, so I don’t think she is the kind of girl that plays games, but of course, it’s just too hard to tell.

What have I done wrong? Have I been calling her too much (once a week)? Do I need to call her again or just sit and wait for her?


Hi Jon,

It’s difficult to tell what you may have done wrong from what you’ve told me, but I have to tell you, your e-mail sounds more like a police report. I don’t know if you’re this way in person, but I didn’t get a sense of any type of passion or intimacy.

It’s funny you would think that calling once a week might be too much. If anything, I think it may not be enough. If you’re interested in someone, you need to show it, otherwise she’ll think you’re not really into her or playing games. Not contacting someone enough is just as bad as contacting them too much!

You didn’t tell me how the phone calls or dates went, but if she hasn’t gotten back to you after two attempts, it’s time to move on. If she’s interested and doesn’t hear from you again, she’ll eventually contact you. If she’s not, she won’t! It’s that simple!  

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.