I am a single male and recently went to a singles mixer. I met two women whom I got along well with, and we exchanged phone numbers. Woman No. 1 and I kissed passionately a few times at the event. I called her a couple of days later. The e-mail response I got from her was that “upon further thought” we were not a “good romantic match.”

I am curious as to why someone would let another person stick their tongue down their throat and then “magically” not be attracted to them anymore. Are women that “confused” and “all over the road,” that they can’t decide whether they are attracted to someone or not? I can’t imagine kissing someone in that manner, and then 48 hours later decide that I am no longer attracted to them. Please let me know.

With regards to woman No. 2, the chemistry seemed positive and we agreed I would call and set up date. I have not received a callback up to this day – I am not holding my breath, by the way. Why would a woman voluntarily give a man her phone number at an event, ask him to call and when he does, she doesn’t call back.

Once again, as both a man and a human being, my credibility and integrity is important to me. I cannot imagine giving my number to a woman I “claim” to be attracted to, and then when she calls, I ignore her call. What exactly do women “gain” for themselves by behaving like this? Is it power, control and ego? Mixed messages are something I don’t specialize in, yet it seems to be a very popular behavior for women.  

—Sam



Hi Sam,

I’ll give you the same advice I give to women who ask why a guy they met didn’t call them: Who cares? Does it really matter when someone who doesn’t know you isn’t interested? Even though it may be difficult, you should try to not be too upset, because they were not rejecting “you,” but just the “you” they saw from your brief encounters. For one reason or another, they decided after the mixer they weren’t as interested as they thought they were. Maybe they had a bit too much to drink?

It’s hard to deal with two rejections from one night, but unless you are constantly rejected by women, please don’t begin to think there’s something wrong with you. On another night, you may find two women who are interested.

I’m glad you’re not interested in sending mixed messages, but this is not behavior reserved just for women. Men also do it all the time.



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