I met this wonderful guy last July. He was only in town for the weekend. When he returned back home, he offered to send me a plane ticket. I told him to slow his roll, if he’s willing to build a friendship/relationship let’s get to know one another. His family lives in the same city I live in, so he’s always in town three times a year visiting.

We’ve been talking everyday by cell, e-mailing and texting. He never lets a day go by without letting me know he’s thinking about me. He called me every other hour on my birthday and sang a cute birthday song. On New Year’s we talked until the sun came up.

We’re finally going to get together next weekend. I’m so nervous and kind of scared because I know we’re going become intimate. I tried to talk my way out of the intimacy by saying let’s just hangout and hold hands. He said, while smiling and laughing, “I’ve grown to love you so it would be nice for us to take our friendship to the next level.” Is it OK to be intimate and hangout with my guy friend?  

—Aesha



Hi Aesha,

The reason you’re nervous and scared is because your subconscious mind knows that if you begin a physical relationship without a commitment, there’s going to be drama down the road. So, since he asked to take the friendship to the next level, ask him exactly what that level is? If it means a commitment, meaning you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are working towards seeing if you have a future together, then it’s okay to have sex.

If however, it’s anything short of a commitment, tell him you are not intimate with a man you’re not in a committed, monogamous relationship with. This is how you will find out what his true intentions are.

If he has no problem with that, then he’s looking at you as more than a temporary girl. If he doesn’t want to go along with the program, then he was probably never serious to begin with.

Having said that, long distance relationships can be difficult, because unless one of you is eventually willing to move, you will have to end it. You need to ask yourself whether you’re willing to be in this type of relationship, for how long and whether you would move if he wasn’t able/willing.



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