With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
I met this girl on my 18th birthday some time ago and ran into her last week after 18 months. I know she is single. How do I go about asking her out on a date in a way that won’t upset her? I am not the best looking guy on the block. I am quite shy and I must admit that I am not the best at this game.
Thank you for proving my point that a guy will ask a girl out even if he is shy.
First of all, you need to get some self-esteem. No one wants to go out with someone who doesn’t think much of himself. There are plenty of unattractive guys out there getting dates, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.
However, you must get over your shyness. Did you know it’s actually a form of selfishness? That’s right. You’re only thinking of yourself and how you feel. This is never a good place to be coming from if you’re trying to impress someone. Instead of focusing on yourself, think about the other person and how you can put them at ease. A sincere compliment usually works wonders.
Why do you think asking her out would upset her? What an odd question! Find out what she likes to do and invite her out to do it! The worst that can happen is that she’ll say no.
I’ve recently become active dating again and it has been completely demoralizing. I meet women at clubs and social AA meetings. The common denominator is that they run hot at first then suddenly cold. We make plans and they fall through or suddenly a boyfriend they forgot to mention appears.
I’m a gentleman to a fault. People say, "Be more of an a-hole" and "L.A. is a tough town." Is it L.A.? It’s just not my nature to be a jerk. Am I doomed ’cause I’m not?
How do I fix my chick picker? I keep picking the same type.
You’re looking for women in all the wrong places. Although clubs do have their place, people that have their acts together and are looking for serious relationships are not usually hanging out there because they are too busy doing something more worthwhile with their lives.
If you keep picking the same type, then you need to change. As the old saying goes: Wherever you go, there you are. Don’t worry about finding the perfect partner, work on being the perfect partner.
Is L.A. a tough town to date in? Yes, I believe it is, but that’s no excuse. There are plenty of wonderful women here that would love to meet someone that is a "gentleman to a fault."
I have the solution to your problem: You are too intelligent. Men don’t like girls that are smarter than they are. Also, it is hard to find a man whom you can look up to.
—Mike in Budapest
Thanks for your concern, but being single is not a problem for me.
I must disagree with your comment about men not liking girls that are smarter than they are. While I’m sure that may hold true for some men, I refuse to believe that all men could be so petty and insecure. I’ve met several intelligent men that I looked up to, but for one reason or another, it didn’t work out (they were attached, lived in another state, etc.). When the time is right, I’m sure the right guy will show up.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net
Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Adelphia Public Access on Thursday, Aug. 4 at 8 p.m.
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