I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly three years. We both the same age (mid 20s), and I’m the first girl he’s had a serious relationship with. In January 2010, he asked me to marry him. I accepted, and everything was fantastic.

Then in August 2010, he told me he wanted to end it as he “didn’t think he felt the same about me.” Two months later, he begged me to take him back as he had made a mistake and realized that he did love me, so I took him back.

Then last week, he started talking about us “not working again” out of the blue like before. He’s stubborn and is convinced that it has not been OK for months. I’m so confused because the week before he did a surprise party for my birthday and got me loads of lovely gifts! What should I do?


Dear Bebe,

This sounds like a guy who’s fighting an internal battle – part of him is ready to commit and part of him isn’t. It’s almost like dating someone with multiple personalities, and it will drive you crazy if you continue to accept it.

He’s already ended it twice. Do you want to take the chance that he will end it again, except maybe next time the day before the wedding or perhaps not show up for the ceremony at all?

In today’s society, most guys in their mid-20s are not ready to marry. You’re going to have to be strong and start dating other guys. He will probably want you back when he sees you’ve moved on, but don’t get pulled in a second time.  

Maybe in a few years he will be ready, but until then, he still has some growing up to do. Sometimes we have to love someone enough to allow them to it without us.

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