My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship since March 2010. We went away for the weekend last August, and he asked me to move in with him. I was a bit surprised and asked him if he was sure. We talked about dates, and he mentioned April of 2011. We figured we would know if it was the right thing to do by then, as I have two children.  

It’s now May, and it hasn’t happened and I can’t see it happening now. After we came back from that particular weekend away, he completely stopped inviting me round to his house and never mentioned it again. He now admits he asked too soon but thought that if he admitted it, I would leave him.

I still feel angry, and I wish I didn’t. What should I do?

—Kat



Hi Kat,

I’m going to have to scold you (As a mother, you may know something about that!). You have two children, and the choices you make in your life have an impact on them. Why would you agree to move in with someone you aren’t married to, let alone agree after only knowing him for only six months?

Yes, I believe you should be married if you have children and are going to move in with a man. They’ve already experienced one major breakup in their life (the one with their biological father), so you need to minimize the chances of that happening again as much as possible. Marriage is a commitment; living together is a convenience.

Besides that, just because he brought up the subject of living together, it didn’t mean you had to agree. You needed to be the mature one and not agree to anything that would negatively affect your children. The right thing to do at that moment would have been to set a boundary and say you don’t move in with men unless you’re married.

Thus, you would have avoided him not inviting you over anymore and your angry feelings. You may think you’re angry at him, but at the root of it, you’re mad at yourself for saying yes when you should have said no. Having said that, his not telling you he’d changed his mind about something so important for fear that you’d leave, makes me wonder about his maturity.

I suggest you not bring up the subject again and if/when he does, let him know no one will be moving in without a ring on your finger.



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