Whether you are on your first date or have been seeing someone for a while, it’s very likely that person will eventually do or say something negative that you will need to deal with right away, before things get out of hand. Here are some ways of handling situations like these that may come up. Deliver these lines in a calm, relaxed manner that lets the person know you’re in control and not upset by their words or actions.
1. Why would you say something like that? This tells your date they were out of line and forces them to think about what they said. They’ll realize they need to think twice before saying something questionable to you.
2. Is that tone really necessary? If you don’t like the way someone is speaking to you, this is a good way to let them know you won’t put up with it.
3. Are you done yet? No, it’s not what you think! If someone is throwing a fit or tantrum, the best way to handle it is to say nothing and just wait for them to finish. At that point, you can jump in with this line. It’ll probably make them even angrier, but it lets them know you won’t be controlled by their childish behavior.
4. Is that a serious question? This lets the person know you won’t even entertain giving their ridiculous question an answer.
5. I’m not having this conversation. You need to be careful with this one because if used incorrectly it comes across as controlling or manipulative. A guy once said this to me when I told him that I didn’t intend to have sex with him that night. He refused to discuss the possibility that he wouldn’t get his way. I would only recommend using this line if your partner wants to discuss something that you’ve already said "No" to.
6. Don’t ever speak to me that way again. A friend of mine told me she had gotten into the bad habit of yelling at her partners whenever there was an argument. A guy she was dating stood up to her and said: "Don’t ever speak to me that way again. We’re not white trash." That’s all it took for her to realize the error of her ways, and she stopped her bad behavior.
7. Excuse me? When said with the right tone of voice, this lets your partner know that you heard what they said, but you didn’t appreciate it and they’d better not say it again.
9. What am I supposed to say to that? This can and should be used often, especially when you don’t know what to say, but know that you need to say something. If you’re at a loss for words, this line will never let you down.
10. Anger? That’s an emotion I reserve for something important. If someone accuses you of being angry (when you’re not) or is hoping that they’re important enough to you that you’re willing to spend your energy being angry with them, this is the perfect line to put them in their place.
11. Laugh. A man’s greatest fear is that a woman will laugh at him, so be careful how you use this if you’re a woman. This can be used to diffuse a situation that may easily get out of hand if people are coming from their egos.
A friend of mine was having sex with a guy that said to her, in a serious tone, "You need to move around more!" She could have gotten angry, but instead she just laughed, causing him to laugh. A situation that could have escalated to an argument was nipped in the bud.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net
Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Comcast Public Access (channel 24) on Friday, Aug. 19 at 8 p.m.
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