Hi Lucia,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. We met a year ago as we were living in the same flat, and three months later we started seeing each other and living together in my room soon afterward.

Things are great between us. He is so caring, thoughtful and does a lot of nice things for me, but he does not love me. This shows only when it comes to making love. He never wants to kiss, but goes straight for sex. If he does kiss me, it’s probably mainly because I have told him that it bothers me.

Just recently, he wanted to make love again without kissing, and that was the last time, as I exploded and we are now on a break. We had a discussion about it, and he said it is mainly because he has not fallen in love with me. He said he was not ready for a relationship from the start, and that our relationship has progressed too fast.

I agree with him, as we never dated or have been away too long from each other. The break has proved to be successful, as we both miss each other. He always tells me I am his best, he can’t live without me, etc.  

If my boyfriend did not have all the good qualities he does, if he did not do all the nice things for me, I would say our relationship was only sexual, as we are unable to move to the next stage, which would be the deeper, emotional feeling stage.

I do not want to bring up the issue again, but I fear that I am unable to fall in love with a man who does not kiss me, and I believe he will not fall in love with me, if I do not take some kind of action. I am considering in a year, as we have to live together for another year, to leave him if things do not improve.


Hi Arietta,

Wow, you’re willing to wait one year? You’re very patient.

I’m sorry but I don’t believe the reason he’s not kissing you is because he’s not in love with you. That actually sounds like something a woman might say. Maybe he’s not into kissing, or there is some other reason?

You need to ask yourself how important this issue is to you, compared to all the nice things you say he does for you. Is it worth being with him but not kissing during sex, or is this a deal breaker?  

You have two choices – either accept this or move on, but do not simply tolerate it, or you will drive yourself crazy.

If you decide you want to move on, you can continue to see your guy if you like, but start to date other guys. Who knows, you may soon meet someone you like, who would be more than happy to kiss you before, during and after sex and your problem will be solved.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.