Hi Lucia,

My boyfriend of several years has two live-in roommates. He owns his home, but they pay him rent. I am 30, my boyfriend is 32, and I feel like it is time to grow up. He keeps asking me to move in and tells me that as soon as I do, he will tell the roommates to move out, but I feel like that is making me the bad guy in this situation.

I love him and want to take the next step in our relationship, but I am afraid this will create a bad dynamic between the roommates and I. He constantly has friends stop by to hang out, and I don’t think this will stop once I move in.

What do I do? Do I move in and risk screwing this up or just walk away and see if he takes the initiative to grow up and live alone without me to blame?


Hi Julie,

Unfortunately, it’s not up to you to decide when it’s time for your boyfriend to grow up. He will do that when he’s ready, and not because you say so.

Having said that, nothing from your e-mail tells me he’s immature. Owning a home and having roommates pay the mortgage actually sounds like a great idea to me.

I don’t recommend moving in unless you’re engaged or married. So you can let him know that you don’t believe in living with a guy unless you have a solid commitment. That way, if he agrees, you’ve moved your relationship to the next level and you don’t have to be the “bad guy.”

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.