Hi Lucia,

I’m in love with a co-worker. He is unhappily married and does not love his wife. I’m separated from my husband.

I started to like him two years ago. I told him, he was a bit surprised. We have not had sex yet; we just kiss. He is very nice with me, protective and passionate when we kiss.

Sometimes when I ask him to meet me, he makes excuses. When I get upset at not meeting or his not responding to my messages, I send him a message telling him I’m done, I can’t do this anymore. He tells me how much he will miss me if I leave or “Come on, don’t be mad.” I have so many things in my mind. I feel bad, and again I give up.

I asked him to move in with me, but he just wants to be live alone if he leaves his wife. I feel he loves me; he doesn’t want to lose me. I want to get out of this, but I don’t know how because I love him. I have dreams about living together, and I told him so many times. I don’t know what he wants.  

—Lili



Hi Lili,

As I’ve said a million times before, actions speak louder than words. If his words aren’t backed up by his actions, they don’t matter. Even though he “claims” to be unhappily married, he’s obviously not unhappy enough to leave.

He doesn’t want to feel as if he’s cheating, so in his mind, he figures as long as all you’re doing is kissing, no harm done. He’s not interested in leaving his wife and moving in with you.

You are his interesting dalliance at work. In order words, he’s just using you and will say whatever he has to keep this thing going.

It’s time to wake up to the truth. Work on your own marriage, instead of trying to break up someone else’s.



Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.