I’ve been dating this guy for almost a month. We had a first date at “my place” because he said he was in a rush. He seemed very confident, energetic and I could tell by his body language (he spread his legs wide open and frequently touched his privates) that he probably wanted to have sex. He told me from the beginning that he was a psychologist, divorced and had a 4-year-old daughter.
He also did a few things that irritated me: mentioned other girls he slept with, his experience with different cultures (women of course) and trying to touch me in inappropriate places. I know, these are all red flags, but because something drew me in I decided to give him another chance. I told him, “If you are only interested in getting laid then you are dealing with the wrong person.”
We had a second date again at my place. He behaved better and didn’t do any of the things he did on the first date. We watched a movie and discussed various topics. We had arranged on a third date though, and he cancelled it last minute because he was tired. He’s texted me a few times since then but hasn’t re-scheduled.
Is he just pulling an act to bed me like the others? If this is the case I want to show him that I can’t be played for a fool easily. How should I handle this? Should I confront him, play him back or simply ignore him? He denied that he sees other women and said that I should relax.
—Katy
Hi Katy,
You seem like a very intelligent 22-year-old. I’m glad you contacted me now, so that I can help get you on the right path sooner rather than later. Bravo for catching the red flags!
Unless “my house” is a bar/restaurant, you shouldn’t be meeting there on the first several dates. What does his being in a rush have to do with where you meet? If he was that much in a rush, you could have said, “If this isn’t a good time for you, we can get together another time.” My guess is that he wasn’t in a rush, but used it as an excuse to come over, and apparently it worked!
If you want to make sure you’re not “played for a fool easily,” the best thing to do is to not get caught up with one man until you have a commitment. There is nothing to confront and until you have a commitment, it doesn’t matter whether he’s seeing other women or not. He’s free to see other people, as are you.
This means you date (but not sleep with) three to four men. You also wait at least three months to have sex (this includes oral), although you can certainly kiss and touch in the meantime. If a guy is interested in you for more than sex, he’ll wait. If not, he won’t, and you’ve just saved yourself a lot of time and drama.
Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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