I’m 20 years old, and I’ve dated a guy from university for two months. He’s known to be a player and always plays hot and cold. Of course he didn’t do this so much at first, even though his text messages were rare and only said: “How are u?”

I didn’t text him much ’cause I didn’t want him to think I’m a bug, but eventually he started to pull back. He would just call me to say he can’t get his homework done and begged me to do that for him saying, “I love u, u’re so important to me, I love u...” Ah, I hate him using that word while it’s so obvious he’s lying.

He went after another girl in class and asked her out right in front of me. She turned him down, but I stopped calling and texting him. Since then he called a few times for no particular reason – just to hang out – and I acted normal like I don’t care, and nothing had happened.

We’re normal friends now, and I haven’t seen him or heard from him during the summer. I think until the last moment he thought I would always cling to him so he took me for granted. I want know what to do to make the reverse situation. I’d still like to see if he wants me although I sometimes think he didn’t want me from the start. I don’t want be a doormat, so just tell me what to do.—Roya

Hi Roya,

It never ceases to amaze me how many e-mails I get from women about guys who they know are not that interested, but they still want to know how to “get them back,” as if they even had them in the first place.

You don’t want to “reverse the situation,” your ego does, and your ego is not always your friend. What are you trying to do – get him to fall for you so you can say you changed a player or actually find a guy who wants to be with you and wouldn’t dream of throwing the word “love” around or asking another girl out in front of you? If you don’t want to be a doormat, then keep it moving. There’s nothing of quality for you here.

Hi Lucia,

I LOVE your answer to the woman whose much younger boyfriend proposed. Thank you for being the voice of reason. So many people I know seem to just break out the champagne at the faintest hint of the word “propose.” It’s nice to hear someone speak some sense into love for once, because you’re right, head over heels isn’t enough to get married. I think a lot of people propose without actually understanding what marriage entails.—Thibault

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.