Hi Lucia,

I’m 23 years old, and my ex is 21. We met two years ago and rushed into everything, becoming exclusive too fast. It lasted six months. We’ve been on and off 2-3 times, and there was lying and cheating done on his part.

We’ve been broken up for nine months, and he recently showed up at my door. We talked about everything, but he didn’t give me an explanation for his actions or why he decided to show up after nine months. He always tries to avoid deep conversations where feelings are involved.

I asked him where he sees this going, what does he want, because we’ve been through this before. He said he’s not sure; he just wants to talk and see where it takes us. This hasn’t worked before because he becomes possessive, but he doesn’t meet my expectations.

I feel like we have a deep connection – but at the same time, I don’t want to get hurt all over again. I’ve lost my trust in him, and this nine-month break helped to heal me and clear the baggage. I don’t want to go through the whole experience again. How do I prevent that? I would prefer to be in a committed relationship around this time (with or without him). —Sara

Hi Sara,

When a guy says he doesn’t know what he wants, it generally means he doesn’t want you, because if he did, this would have been the time to say it.

However, he is only 21, so you can’t expect too much from him. When you first started dating, he was still a teenager! 21-year-old boys are not interested in committed relationships because they are still sowing their wild oats.

No one is to blame in this situation. You two are simply too young to be in a committed relationship. I don’t recommend being in one until you’re 25.

In the meantime, you can date him as well as other guys; however, don’t try to push the situation to be something that it’s not. One day you will find someone who does want a commitment, but in the meantime, remember that dating is supposed to be about having fun and finding out about yourself.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.